Read this enlightening essay on getting older
"You misunderstand," she explained. "It's liberating." For the first time since puberty, she said, "What I am on the outside is less of a distraction from who I am on the inside. Now, women trust me, men trust themselves around me, and every conversation can be purely, completely human." A mere 25, I felt a pang of envy. "You'll get there," Mom reassured me, and she was right.
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I'm 50 (-ish) now and I think of myself as not so much invisible as transparent: Busy waiters and randy construction workers look right through me. It can be irritating, yet, like my mother, I appreciate the upside.
I serve as chaplain to a virtually all-male law enforcement agency. When I started, I was more "visible," a member of the demographic considered sexy to men and threatening to their wives. It was never a problem, but situations that call for a chaplain are marked by emotional vulnerability, so I was mindful that my desire to help was perceived the way I meant it. Physical contact (I'm a hugger) could be misinterpreted, and any makeup more elaborate than lip balm could send the wrong signal.
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Nowadays, only the retirees agree with my husband that I'm a hottie: For most of the guys I work with, I'm downright ancient—and so we are free to be purely human together. My transparency is a spiritual boon, enabling me to connect with others. That's akin to what the theologian Paul Tillich means when he talks about how someone can become spiritually "transparent," a window through which we might glimpse the holy. The human eye, Tillich said, has an unfortunate tendency to focus on the window itself—its panes and drapery—and so miss the view. Hormone-infused, youthful sexuality can be like that, I think: a distraction from the person within.
It's true, I'm not seen as I was when I was younger. But being seen isn't nearly as conducive to spiritual growth as seeing. Invisibility may be imposed on aging women, but transparency can be welcomed. That's because authentic spirituality begins by embracing what can't be avoided and letting go of what will be stripped away.
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Bestselling author Kate Braestrup lives and writes in Maine and serves as a chaplain on search-and-rescue missions.
Photo by Brian Doben; Hair and makeup by Brenda Poole-Kessler; Styling by Maria-Stefania Vavylopoulou
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