Turns out you have to play nice sometimes.
You only need five minutes alone with a couple
to tell if they're going to last. That's what psychologist John Gottman
found in 1986, when he gathered a bunch of newlywed couples in a "Love
Lab" and observed them interacting with each other. Six years later, he
had predicted with 94% accuracy who would stay together and who would
break up [via Business Insider].
It
turns out that couples who stay together are 1) kind to and 2) generous
with each other. Wow! While in the Love Lab, Gottman was measuring the
couples' physiological responses after prompting them to ask each other
simple questions about their respective days. The couples who snipped
at each other (and hence had higher heart rates and sweated more) were
broken up by the time Gottman saw them next. Contrastingly, the ones who
were nice to each other and asked questions were not
physiologically-aroused at all and they were the ones who passed the six
year mark.
Really, it's that
simple. He explains: "The problem was that the [failed group] showed all
the signs of arousal — of being in fight-or-flight mode — in their
relationships. Having a conversation sitting next to their spouse was,
to their bodies, like facing off with a saber-toothed tiger...It's not
that the [successful group] had, by default, a better physiological
make-up than the disasters; it's that [they] had created a climate of
trust and intimacy that made both of them more emotionally and thus
physically comfortable."Related: my boyfriend doesn't mind it when I eat logs of goat cheese in nothing but pants, which is a good sign, I feel.
src cosmo
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