Tara Mohr's amazing tips for being a successful and confident woman.
As a child, Tara Mohr remembers spending mornings around the breakfast table analyzing her dreams with her mother. She was raised to think about how the mind works and embrace looking inward. Some of her earliest reading materials were the self-help and psychology books that filled her family's San Francisco Bay area home, which laid the foundation for her future career as a life and leadership coach. When Tara was in high school, she noticed her English class reading list was void of female representation, so she took action and had the curriculum changed to include books by female authors. It was her first experience with what she considers her calling: to help bring forward women's voices.
While studying at Stanford for her MBA, Tara was introduced to the world of coaching and ultimately started her own coaching practice. Between her blog, books (including Playing Big, out this month), tours, workshops and online programs, she helps women with tremendous talent, ideas, and aspirations see their own brilliance. Here, Tara shares her tips for success — or what she has coined as "playing big":
1. Get to know your inner mentor.
Close your eyes and imagine meeting yourself in 20 years. Don't just think, What do I want to be? but actually slow down enough to let this image of the future you reveal herself. This is one of the exercises Tara does with her clients. "That older and wiser self can become a really powerful tool," Tara says. "I call it the inner mentor. Consulting her and thinking about what she would do is a great way to really figure out our own answers to our biggest questions and dilemmas." Envisioning this woman that you want to become is the first step to actually becoming her, and looking to her for guidance will give you insight that's more personal and relevant to you.
2. Identify the root of your passion and start incorporating that into your life right away.
Up and quitting your job to follow your passion might sound like a romantic notion, but in reality, it can be quite terrifying — and even pointless. Instead of uprooting your life on a whim, explore the reason behind the goal and test-drive it. "If someone is an investment banker but really her whole life felt like she wants to be a pediatrician, how can she start living that today? She really can't," Tara says. "So we find the essence of why she wants to be pediatrician. Is it about working with kids everyday? Is it about being in a helper role? Is it about advancing health?" Once you identify the kernel of why you're drawn to something, then it's possible incorporate that into your life. In the above example, if you determined that the root of your passion is working with kids, Tara will suggest volunteering with kids — something that can be accomplished immediately. "There's always something we can do to live our calling right now," Tara says.
3. Stop making reasoned excuses.
Don't let your biggest strength — your intelligence — stand in your way of success. "Brilliant women have really sophisticated ways for playing small," Tara says. "Our brains are really good at making up brilliant excuses." She recalls a scenario with one of her clients whose idea of playing big was to live abroad with her children for a year. When Tara asked her what she was doing to realize that dream, she said she was learning the language, which, given her busy schedule, could take a couple of years. "I asked her if she had any evidence that she needed to know the language to pursue this dream," Tara says "and her answer was no." So Tara helped her set up some phone calls with hiring managers and recruiters abroad that week. "We do a lot of things that seem like really diligent, good work, but they're often ways of avoiding really putting ourselves out there and sharing ideas right now," Tara says.
4. Listen to your inner critic — but act anyway.
That nagging voice you hear that tells you you're not good enough, smart enough, or brave enough to go after your passion doesn't need to be ignored. Instead, acknowledge it and act anyway. "We don't actually have any evidence that successful people don't have inner critics," she says. In fact, Tara thinks it's when we're doing our most important work that our inner critic comes up most strongly. "I believe the reason we have that inner critic voice is because we have a really strong safety instinct in ourselves that never wants to have any embarrassment. It's trying to protect us from exposing ourselves and being more visible," Tara says. "We're always going to have it; we just need to learn how to deal with it wisely." Let that voice alert you to the fact that you're doing something important, but don't let it be what drives your choices.
5. Let your ideas speak for themselves.
Think a gorgeous website, a custom email address, and a top-notch PR team make all the difference when you're launching a new business? Not so, says Tara. "When you're just getting started, go into your personal email account, message 40 people you know, and explain what you're doing and ask if any of them are interested or if they could forward it to someone they know," Tara says. "The simple word of mouth is so important. It allows you to get started experimenting and get learning right away."
6. Simplify your beauty routine.
It's easy to get caught up fussing over what to wear or how to style your hair, but Tara doesn't let that bog her down. She likes to keep her look natural and effortless. "I want to be comfortable and I want to look appropriate to the context, but I like to keep it simple," Tara says. "I want the focus to be on what I'm saying." It's important to keep things in perspective; while it's easy to get sidetracked trying to find the perfect interview outfit, don't forget that what really matters is what you have to say.
7. Plan your schedule based on performance.
Are you someone who tackles the majority of your to-do list before most people have even finished their morning coffee? Or do you find that your best ideas come as you're getting ready for bed? Take note of when you're the most alert or most creative and, if you can, plan your schedule accordingly. "I'm a big believer in paying attention to when I feel that I best do different kinds of work," Tara says. "I'm very much a morning person, so I try not to schedule meetings or appointments before the midmorning so I can get up early and do my writing then." By the late afternoon when Tara feels her brainpower waning, she'll work on social media updates, see her acupuncturist, or sift through her inbox.
8. What worked in college doesn't work in the real world.
Remember all those great study habits you picked up in college that earned you a spot on the dean's list? They're not what's going to get you top spots in the workforce. "We have to let go of our good student habits like over-preparing, always adapting ourselves to an authority figure, and looking outward to a book or research for an answer," Tara says. "In your career, it's a lot more important to be able to improvise, challenge authority, and share what you think and already know."
9. Don't take criticism personally.
Instead of taking criticism as a comment on your personality, think of it as a clue to what the person giving it to you is looking for. "Let's say your boss says you're too tentative in the way you communicate," Tara says. "Rather than you saying, 'Oh, does that mean am I insecure or censoring myself?' interpret it as telling you something about your boss. 'Oh, OK, my boss is looking for communication that sounds more certain.'" Feedback is important, but it's necessary for strategic reasons, not for personal reasons. "It's important for us to not internalize that into meaning 'there's something wrong with me,'" Tara says.
10. Do whatever it takes to make sure you can focus.
While there's no harm in occasionally browsing your favorite website (Hi!), Tara admits that sometimes the Internet can interfere with her productivity. For those who don't have the discipline to stay offline, she suggests downloading an app to block Internet access. "When I'm sitting down to do some real writing or something that needs sustained concentration, I don't want to fight off the impulse to check email or check Facebook, so I set a timer and then it's a non-negotiable," Tara says. Tara uses one called Freedom. Come back soon though!
Keep your look polished, simple, and gorgeous with a subtle take on the smoky eye. Check out Cosmopolitan.com and Maybelline's bronze ombre eyes tutorial, and remember to come to get your tickets to the best weekend of the year here.
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