16 Signs You Might Be Ready to Cheat

16 Signs You Might Be Ready to Cheat

11/12/2014 07:00:00 pm

You're texting your exes.

 

1. You don't tell people you're in a relationship unless they ask. "Oh, yeah. Did I not mention Karen? Yeah. We're together. Still."
2. You're staring at hot strangers for entirely too long. I bet that person would never use toilet paper as a coffee filter. And they probably buy the really good toilet paper.
3. You're spending a lot more time with someone new. "Just for coffee," you say. "We just text sometimes," you say. "I'd rather be with this person than the person I'm with," you say. Oh crap, did you say that out loud?
4. You think your partner might be cheating. Which gives you the excuse you wanted to go and cheat on them. It's kind of like wanting to shoplift something and telling yourself the store overcharges its customers anyway, which is a form of stealing, kind of. It's not true and it doesn't need to be because you just need a reason.
5. You enjoy your time apart from your partner more than your time together. "Yeah, I have to go see Casey today," is something you groan more than exclaim.
6. You have a friend you wouldn't classify as totally platonic. Sure, you're friends, but let's cut the shit. You've thought about them when you've masturbated. They've popped into your head while boning. If the opportunity came up to do it with them without consequence, you would. But yeah, it's "just" coffee. OK.
7. You fantasize about what it'd be like to be with someone else. Maybe it's your Platonic Friend, maybe it's the guy in your office, maybe it's the person who always puts onions on your sandwich even though you ask him not to. Either way, they're seeming better than your partner with each passing day.
8. You don't even mention your partner in conversation anymore. It's like they're a ghost who died and came back as a more obscure ghost.
9. Your partner isn't the first person you talk to about big news anymore. Oh my god, this is so funny, I can't wait to text anyone but Karen.
10. You're constantly finding fault in your partner. Picking apart every little thing about the person you're with is basically the first base of cheating.
11. You're texting your exes. Just in case you and your partner do break up, now you have backup. Plus, you're able to romanticize how great your past relationships were, even though, let's be honest, they were just as crappy.
12. You're picking fights for no reason. "Who leaves the hot sauce bottle top half on? You should be screwing it on the whole way! How hard is that?" If all your fights boil down to this and you're initiating them, please break up immediately. Your friends agree with me.
13. You're secretly relieved when they go out of town because it means you can go clubbing. When the cat's away, the mice will sing Rihanna at a bar at 3 a.m. hoping someone drags them into the bathroom to make out.
14. You know exactly how you'd cheat. "Haha, oh my god, wouldn't it be so funny if I just went to the bar around the corner tonight and grabbed that cute bartender Seth and took him to the back room past the kitchen and we just totally made out and I was wearing what I'm wearing right now?"
15. Dressing up for no reason. Because you never know when you'll meet someone you want to think about boning and then ultimately probably bone.
16. You're jealous of your friends who have wild dating lives. Every horrible detail, every bad sexual experience, every guy who burped the entire night sounds like heaven. Pure heaven.
src cosmo

 

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