By Victor Udoh
TURNING ADVERSITIES INTO OPPORTUNITIES
In this life, every now and then, we fall into or experience situations that are dire and we are not favourably disposed to. To put it very clear and in simple terms: we suffer losses and untold hardships and difficulties that make us most of the time to want to give up on life (many actually do). The results are normally disastrous to say the least. In some cases, such hardship make people to take decisions which under normal circumstances they would never even have considered while in severe cases, people apply a permanent solution to a temporal problem and take the option of suicide. Whatever the path chosen, losses were experienced, dreams were dashed, hopes faded away and expectations were cut short.
If it is true that every now and then we are faced with situations and circumstances that are beyond our control, how then do you handle such damages to your life? How do you manage such hurts so that your life can go on? What do you do when you lose something or everything? How do you come back from a fall? This piece is intended to help you turn your lemon into lemonade, turn your pains into gains, your scars into stars, scrambled egg into omelets and your disadvantages into advantages.
TURNING ADVERSITIES INTO OPPORTUNITIES
Therefore means turning or changing a difficult or harsh situation into a pleasant one at a particular time or over a period of time.
It is important to understand that, adversities which can also be seen as challenges, obstacles or oppositions are very necessary in life. They are a needed catalyst for growth as individuals. They help us to discover who we really are and what we can do or can't, in terrible or unfavourable situations.
The late Stephen R. Covey, author of the famed 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, once said, "Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition -such as lifting weights- we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity."
Now, you must consider this question, DO YOU WANT TO GROW? Do you want to be successful in life? Do you want to reach your full potential in life? If you answered YES to all, you must then begin to see adversities and challenges as important partners on your life road to success and fulfillment. It was Henry Ford who said, "Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward."
Now, there are lots of stories of people who faced very severe hardships in their lives. In fact, for most of them, nobody gave them any chance of survival let alone see them as people who could make any meaningful headway in life. They were given up on even before they got off the starting line of their lives' race. They were even considered as failure signposts in many instances, and jeered by onlookers.
These people however, were able to weather the storm of their adversities, they were able to withstand the almost unbearable pressures mounted by the obstacles they faced and came out as success stories of encouragement. Their lives are a book written to give hope to those who are passing through hopeless situations and a direction to those who have no bearing.
I will briefly highlight the difficulties some of these people went through and then dwell much on one of them:
Nelson Rolihlahla (xo' lilala) Mandela - the first ever to be elected president of South Africa from 1994 - 1999 did not just reach that height on a soft landing. In fact, he passed through hardship never before experienced and yet to be experienced by any recorded leader in modern world. Born 18 July 1918, and having been schooled as a lawyer, he became a militant anti- apartheid activist, a wing of the African National Congress (ANC), the party fighting against the apartheid government's oppressive rule against the blacks, his people. In 1962, as a result of the struggle, he was arrested and convicted of sabotage and sentenced to life imprisonment. Mandela went on to serve 27 years in prison. During this period, many offers were made to release him on grounds that he would give up the struggle but he choose to hold on, endure the hardship and not betray his people for his own sake. He released a statement then through his daughter, Zindzi, saying, "What freedom am I being offered while the organization of the people remains banned? Only free men can negotiate. A prisoner cannot enter into contracts." What a profound sense of loyalty in the face of one of the biggest adversities one could face.
Nelson Rolihlahla (xo' lilala) Mandela - the first ever to be elected president of South Africa from 1994 - 1999 did not just reach that height on a soft landing. In fact, he passed through hardship never before experienced and yet to be experienced by any recorded leader in modern world. Born 18 July 1918, and having been schooled as a lawyer, he became a militant anti- apartheid activist, a wing of the African National Congress (ANC), the party fighting against the apartheid government's oppressive rule against the blacks, his people. In 1962, as a result of the struggle, he was arrested and convicted of sabotage and sentenced to life imprisonment. Mandela went on to serve 27 years in prison. During this period, many offers were made to release him on grounds that he would give up the struggle but he choose to hold on, endure the hardship and not betray his people for his own sake. He released a statement then through his daughter, Zindzi, saying, "What freedom am I being offered while the organization of the people remains banned? Only free men can negotiate. A prisoner cannot enter into contracts." What a profound sense of loyalty in the face of one of the biggest adversities one could face.
Many people would have chosen to opt out and "continue life" and feel that after all, I had tried my best. Not this man! Even in the face of his long incaseration, this man Mandela still pursued knowledge. He undertook study with the University of London by correspondence through its External Programme and received degree of Bachelor of Laws. He didn't stop at that; he continued his activism in the prison fighting for the rights of inmates to get access to education which he also won. Little wonder, this man is today known as the Greatest Freedom Fighter that will ever live.
Wilma Rudolph
Wilma Rudolph was born into a large family -- she was the 20th of 22 children! Her parents, Ed and Blanche Rudolph, were honest, hardworking people, but were very poor. Mr. Rudolph worked as a railroad porter and handyman. Mrs. Rudolph did cooking, laundry and housecleaning for wealthy white families.
I have come to understand that successful people are fully aware that challenging situations are truly opportunities to test ones resolve and so no hard work goes unrewarded. That's why they work hard all their lives. No matter how unrewarding the work may look at the beginning, if one persists in it, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Wilma was born prematurely and weighed only 4.5 pounds. Again, because of racial segregation, she and her mother were not permitted to be cared for at the local hospital. It was for whites only. There was only one black doctor in Clarksville, and the Rudolph's budget was tight, so Wilma's mother spent the next several years nursing Wilma through one illness after another: measles, mumps, scarlet fever, chicken pox and double pneumonia. But, she had to be taken to the doctor when it was discovered that her left leg and foot were becoming weak and deformed.
No human is completely immune to one form of calamity or challenge or the other and so the earlier one comes to terms with this truth, the better. For some, it may be health issues, for others financial while for some others yet, a tough decision to take.
She was told she had polio, a crippling disease that had no cure. The doctor told Mrs. Rudolph that Wilma would never walk. But Mrs. Rudolph would not give up on Wilma. She found out that she could be treated at Meharry Hospital, the black medical college of Fisk University in Nashville. Even though it was 50 miles away, Wilma's mother took her there twice a week for two years, until she was able to walk with the aid of a metal leg brace. Then the doctors taught Mrs. Rudolph how to do the physical therapy exercises at home. All of her brothers and sisters helped too, and they did everything to encourage her to be strong and work hard at getting well. Finally, by age 12, she could walk normally, without the crutches, brace, or corrective shoes. It was then that she decided to become an athlete.
One of the best things that can happen to a person in this life is to know exactly what you want and then to go all out to get it. Because Mrs. Rudolph knew exactly what she wanted: for her daughter to be able to walk again, She discovered where she could get help and went there to get it. Do your Maths here: Mrs. Rudolph travelled a 100-mile distance, twice a week for 104 weeks. That's a staggering 20800 miles to get solution to the adversity they faced. Whew! Solutions to our problems will ALWAYS come if only we can persist long enough. After two years of twice a week 100mile trips, her daughter was able to walk again; even though with some aid. That was a measure of success by all means.
At first, Wilma was tutored at home by her family because she was crippled. She first began school at the age of seven. In 1947, the schools of the Southern states were segregated -- black students and white students had to attend separate schools. Even though blacks had to pay the same taxes as whites, the schools for black students were usually poorly funded, so they were less likely to have adequate books, teachers, classrooms, or equipment.
Now, away from Mrs. Rudolph. Wilma herself did not allow herself to be put down by her physical disabilities. She was determined to get her life going. Obviously, her mother's enthusiasm had rubbed off on her. That's the point to note here. Mind the people you associate with because their attitude and mannerisms will definitely rub off on you.
Now, away from Mrs. Rudolph. Wilma herself did not allow herself to be put down by her physical disabilities. She was determined to get her life going. Obviously, her mother's enthusiasm had rubbed off on her. That's the point to note here. Mind the people you associate with because their attitude and mannerisms will definitely rub off on you.
In junior high, Wilma followed her older sister Yolanda's example and joined the basketball team. The coach, Clinton Gray, didn't put her in a single game for three years. Finally, in her sophomore year, she became the starting guard. During the state basketball tournament, she was spotted by Ed Temple, the coach for the famous Tiger bells, the women's track team at Tennessee State University. Because Burt High School didn't have the funding for a track team, coach Temple invited Wilma to Tennessee State for a summer sports camp.
In high school, she became a basketball star first, who set state records for scoring and led her team to a state championship. Then she became a track star, going to her first Olympic Games in 1956 at the age of 16. She won a bronze medal in the 4x4 relay. On September 7th, 1960, in Rome, Wilma became the first American woman to win 3 gold medals in the Olympics. She won the 100-meter dash, the 200-meter dash, and ran the anchor on the 400-meter relay team.
For someone who was told would never walk again but could, only at the age of 12 to become a 3 gold medal champion in the Olympics only 8 years later, running against the fastest woman in the world then in the three race is simply amazing. It proofs to the fact that whatever one sets out to accomplish is first within his/ her power, to do so and not due to any external factor.
Asha Tyson
Born in 1970 as an only child somewhere in Detroit, Michigan, Asha never knew her father and had to live through childhood with a terminally ill mum. When not hospitalized, her mother was extremely abusive and eventually descended into mental illness right before Asha's young eyes. She would wake up sometimes and see her mother standing over her brandishing kitchen knives but had difficulty convincing anyone that her mother was that ill. In her best- selling book, "How I retired at 26" Asha narrates how at the age of 5 she would climb up the kitchen chair and reach for the phone to dial emergency for ambulance whenever her mother had one of her health crises.
When not terrorizing the young Tyson, her mother allowed her o be sexually abused, by her live-in lover; and so, not surprisingly, the young girl grew up feeling worthless and unloved. Even the police would not believe her when eventually she was bold enough to report it at the school. The church too would not hear of it. They thought she was making up stories to get attention and so the abuse continued. Her grandparents referred to her as an "evil child." On many of the times her mother was hospitalized, she lived with different families and was sexually abused most of the time.
Despite the harrowing experiences, she managed to remain positive and determined to survive. So at the age of 17, she finally left home; she ran away. She on her own without a mentor, plan or finance decided to go to college. She showed up on the first day of school at a college she had not applied to and in her words, told them, "look, my mum is dying, my grade-point average is terrible, I came from a homeless shelter, I had no money, but I was hard-working, smart and to give me a chance." After consultation, the admission department miraculously accepted probably the most unusual application the world would ever know about.
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.-Henry Ford" for you to be a real success in life, you must come face to face with oppositions and obstacles that will test your resolve, your faith and character.
Be ready for adversity
Adversities are an important part of life and so the earlier you get hold of this truth and learn to live with it, the better. Getting this truth and working with it is the first indication that you are going to beat whatever adversity you face in life. Whether you like it or not, adversity will present itself at some point in time or another. Even the Holy Scripture in John 16: 33 said that we should be ready for it. Many people may want to argue here that my approach is a pessimistic view on life and that we are supposed to expect the best from life at every point in time. Great! I love that. In fact, I consciously train my mind to look out for and expect positives always- the positive thinking school of thoughts says we should.
Being prepared for adversity is not being pessimistic at all. Far from that! It is actually an optimistic outlook on life. To prepare not to be negatively affected by situations and circumstances that may come your way is a positive approach to life. At least, you are not living in denial; in a never- existent perfect world where everything will go exactly as you had planned or desired. It is not a world where you will live happily ever after. This is not a Cinderella kinda world, this is the real world where there are no perfect situations, and things go wrong. Truth is, you cannot win a battle you did not prepare for. It's not a lucky dip. It's about knowing what should be done and doing it. It is about knowing what should not be done, and avoiding it. Don't shoot first and aim later. Rather, aim first!
Acknowledge the obstacle without over-rating it
Acknowledging the adversity here entails clearly stating the problem. It has been said that knowing your problem means it is fifty percent solved. If you don't understand the problem you are trying to solve, then you most likely will not be able to solve it. You should ask yourself some fundamental questions and have the answer in one or two sentences. Consider questions like: what is the major problem here? What exactly am I supposed to do in this situation? What will be the gains of overcoming this obstacle? What will be the effect or consequences of not overcoming this obstacle? Write the answer to these questions down to help you focus on the solutions.
Many times, people who face adverse situations and obstacles overrate them and it is because they never took the exercise of acknowledging the problem and asking the right questions. Too often, people rush to get answers and so never take note of the potency of the right questions. John Mason, author of Why Ask Why, said, when you ask the right questions, you are sure to get the right answers.
When you overrate your challenges it means you are underrating your abilities. What a terribly wrong action you may have engaged. It has been said that God created man with an incredible and unlimited potential to discern and solve some of the most complicated problems we face. Brain experts also tell us that most humans never use up to 10% of their brain capacity. That tells you straight away that we never try enough as humans before we give up.
We simply accord too much potency to the adversity and so we are more often than not consumed by it. Truth is, some challenges pose more difficulty than others and so may take longer and maybe more tasking to resolve. Still it is no guarantee to overrate them.
If you will just sit back and completely analyze the situation without any sentiments, you may see that the problem is not as unbeatable as it seemed in the first place. Unfortunately, many people prefer to keep their problems, than face them squarely. I am often awed by people I have met and counseled who show you out-rightly that they would rather die with and old problem than face the music trying out a new solution.
Someone said rightly that 'when you pass through hell, don't stop to take pictures.' There is great sense in the statement. Don't take too much to heart the troubles you are passing through or the challenges you are facing.
Don't beat up yourself even if the challenges you are facing are a direct result of your wrong choices or actions. Isn't it enough that you are passing through hell? Why do you want to add the heat of the moment by beating yourself up? You are only adding to the adversity and not taking it away.
Be enthusiastic and positive always
When faced with problems or setbacks in your life, what is your immediate reaction? If you're like most people, your first impulse is to complain. "Why did this have to happen to me? What am I going to do now? My life is in shambles and disarray and my plans are ruined!" This response is only natural. However, after the initial disappointment wears off, you have a choice to make. You can either wallow in misery and dwell on the negative aspects of your situation or you can find the benefit or lesson that the problem is offering.
Let's face facts, no matter how bad or terrible your situation is or has been, no matter how gigantic the adversity that has confronted you is, there is only one responsibility I would recommend you owe yourself; and that is to stay positive. Find a benefit, find a positive, and find a plus in the midst of your trouble.
To be enthusiastic and stay positive, you've got to take complete control of your thinking faculty for 'As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.' - says The Bible. Why is this necessary? Your thoughts form your words. Your words form your beliefs. Your beliefs form your actions and your actions produce the results in your life. It is important to note that you are your own prophet. Sickening thoughts bring about sickening results. What you think about most of the time comes to be for YOU.
I was watching satellite television the other day and the Black Entertainment Television Fifth Annual Awards for African- American musicians, artists, book writers; the BET Honours 2012 was on. A physically challenged lady whose name I didn't catch came up for her award and said, People ask me, how do you make it in life? How do you survive in spite of your challenges? I tell them, I don't have a choice. My hero is my history and my history is a legacy of people who in spite of great opposition and oppression, succeeded."
What a strong lesson on keeping a positive outlook! Looking at her that night, how she stood there supported by another woman, I couldn't help but drop a tear. It was so touching being I was actually working on this piece in a corner in the sitting room. What a lesson on maintaining a positive mindset in the midst of sufferings. Whether you brought the adversity upon yourself, I want to say here it is still no reason to beat yourself up or put the hangman noose around your neck. Think about other decisions and choices you made in the past that did not go well, why didn't you commit suicide then? Why on this one? What are the criteria you used to determine that this is the worst choice you ever made? Think this through because it will pay you better to be positive and stay alive.
Associate with positive people
Have you ever heard the axiom "Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are"? There's a lot of wisdom in that simple statement. Have you given much thought to how this principle has been molding and shaping your life? Think back to when you were growing up. Do you remember how concerned and worried your parents were about whom we hung out with? Your mom or dad wanted to meet your friends and know all kinds of details about them. Why? Your parents knew that you'd be greatly influenced by your friends. That we'd tend to pick up some of their habits. And that you'd most likely do the things your friends were doing.
If you want to succeed in this life overcoming your adversities, you must stay clear of negative people. Such people are no good at all as they spew all sorts of verbal toxins. They are so full of negative energy which they are constantly giving out with every word or action that originates from them. Have you ever been with a negative person - and felt as if that individual were physically taking energy from you? I think we've all had that experience many times. One thing is certain: Spend time with negative people and their negative messages will wear you down.
Negative people will always try to pull you down to their level. They will throw at you all of the things you can't do and all of the things that are impossible. They will hit you with gloomy statements about the lousy economy and the non- working nation, the problems in their life and in their family, the problems soon to be in your life and the terrible prospects for the future. If you're lucky, they might even throw in a few words about their aches and pains.
On the other hand, think back how you feel when you're around people who are positive, enthusiastic, and supportive. You're energized and inspired. You are fired up positively. There's something truly amazing about positive people. They seem to have a positive energy that lights up a room. When you're around them, you start to pick up their attitude and you feel as if you have added strength to vigorously pursue your own goals. In the midst of your adversity, you can always be sure to feel and put up a positive attitude that will help turn your adversity into an opportunity to advance your life. They speak words of life and hope and always look forward with an optimistic view.
People will often say, "Shouldn't we try to help our negative friends instead of abandoning them?" Well, you're free to do whatever you think is best, barring the unique situation. However, it is important to note that in most cases, hanging around these negative friends doesn't help them - and it doesn't help you, either! Everyone gets dragged down because most negative people don't want to change. They just want someone to listen to their tales of woe and never-ending complaints.
Consciously or unconsciously, you may be choosing to hold yourself back - to be less than you are capable of becoming. By the way, I think it's wonderful to try to help someone overcome his or her negativity. But if you've been trying for some time and aren't getting anywhere, maybe it's time to move on!
Take risks
It is a very common statement that life is a risk. Many people know and use this statement. One thing I have come to realize over a period of my interaction with people is the fact that, many of the people that use it mostly do so when they are dishing out advice to someone else and are normally risk-shy when it applies to them. Whether you take a risk or not, in your own life, fact is, you are risking failure if you do not take risks.
Many people live in fear and so do not risk taking actions, even if the action seems like the very one that could turn their adversity into a victory. I often feel pity for people who so commonly say with pride, 'I don't want to risk anything.' They are the set of people who would be quick to remind you about the old axiom which says, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." These categories of people are those who are afraid to fail, and that is because they have not understood how to make failure their teacher. People who live in fear of failure never go out on an adventure. Such people are not cut out for the type of world we are living in because if anyone is not given to taking risk and adventure, he/she can never be positioned for anything but failure, and adversity will be a Special guest in their lives, always.
Many people fear to take risk because the word has a slightly negative connotation to it- it implies danger, tension and possible loss. The risk I am talking about here is positive. Take calculated and well-articulated risks. Normally this will come only after a proper analysis of the adversity, acknowledging it and weighing your proposed actions. You must know that it is a terrible life to live jumping at a dumb risk where your potential for a positive outcome is very limited.
When you take risk with a positive action on your adversity, do it knowing that you have nothing to lose but the adversity itself, and that you have so much to gain if the adversity is lost.
Great facts about the adversity that confronts you and the opportunity that may present itself
-Your adversity can make you bitter or better. It boils down to what you decide.
-When knocked down by adversity, it's your choice to stay knocked down and out or the rise back up and stay on your feet
-Acknowledge that circumstances are subject to change. Your darkest hour, someone said, is just but 60 minutes. Storms don't last forever.
-Life is too short to go through it depressed and defeated
-Unless you get to the root of the problem or adversity, you can't change the fruit (the result) it will produce
In summary you should ALWAYS look for a positive in every situation no matter how bad it looks. Make it a habit to go about looking for good. It will be difficult at first being that from infant our minds have been filled with negatives.
You have to engage a flushing process. You have to train your mind by feeding it with positive information and stories, to knock out the negatives that were there. Engage your mind positively by reading and/ or listening to inspiring stories and biographies of people who made it in life despite the troubles they faced. Nature abhors vacuum remember? Stop staying around people who spew or carry messages or doom and disaster. It does not mean that you will not hear such stories, but make sure you do not dwell on them or allow them to find a shelter in your mind.
Someone said, 'when you fall down pick something up.' What does this mean? Simply put... whenever you FAIL in an endeavor, with your decisions or choices, whenever adversity overtakes you and knock you down, LEARN a lesson. Never fall down and stay down. In fact, hit the ground running. Get up so fast so that it seem you were never down.
Never give up because you failed. Never give up because you did not achieve exactly what you wanted in the first place. Never give up because something went wrong and did not go the way it was supposed to. Never give up because God wired you from the beginning to be a never- say- never- person, an outstanding person, an extra-ordinary person, an optimistic person, an action- oriented person, a solution provider, a positive person, a focused person, a disciplined person, a hardworking person and above all, a WINNER!
Keep fighting. Keep going. Continue because... it is never OVER until... YOU WIN!
KEEP ON WINNING PAL, AND SEE YOU AT THE TOP.
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